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It’s Your Wedding. How To Set Boundaries For Those People Who Like To Think It’s Their Own

Your wedding day will be one of the biggest events of your life. It is a special occasion that marks the moment you and your partner make a long term commitment to each other, and the focus should be on the two of you.


Despite this, there will always be guests who want to be involved in the planning process. It can be easy for family and friends to get carried away and start acting as if your wedding is their own. While it may be innocent and they may have good intentions, if it starts to feel like too much you may be wondering how best to deal with it.


For example, a bridesmaid can turn into bridesmaidzilla (this is a real thing), the mother of the groom might try to take control, or the best man could be planning  a boy’s night that isn’t your partner’s style. There are a number of scenarios but they can all be dealt with when you use some tact.


If you are struggling to deal with overbearing guests it is time to set some boundaries:


Be on the Same Page With Your Partner

Making sure you and your partner are always on the same page is probably the most important thing to remember. This strategy will also help to strengthen your marriage in the long term. If you are putting your foot down and setting boundaries, it will be counterproductive if your partner doesn’t back you up. 


For example, your future mother-in-law may be adamant that you get married in a church when you have your heart set on a garden ceremony. Your partner needs to stand by you as you address the issue, otherwise you may cave in to the pressure and do something you don’t want. This goes both ways and you may also have to back up your partner. 


You May Have to Make Some Compromises

Some compromises may have to be made if either of your parents are contributing to the wedding bill. It can be a case of “picking your battles”, and letting them have input in areas that aren’t as important to you. 


Sending a great aunt who you have never met an invitation, or using a cake topper from your parent’s own wedding could be enough to pacify those who want to be included in the decision making process. 


Allocating seating can be stressful and this is where issues can arise. Often there will be multiple guests asking who they will be seated with, or requests made about who they want to avoid. You may like to compromise with a cocktail style reception instead, eliminating the seating problem entirely. You can host a beautiful wedding at Tradewinds Hotel in Perth in one of their function rooms or balcony. You have the option of seated or standing, and it will be a venue everyone will approve of!


Be Clear, Consistent, and Confident

If you do need to set boundaries, it is best to be clear, consistent, and confident and always have any uncomfortable conversations face to face. Texting or emailing can be misinterpreted and the last thing you want is a feud in the lead up to your big day.


Sometimes difficult decisions may have to be made and you don’t need to apologise for them. For example, your venue and budget may not be suitable for children,  leading to a “child-free wedding”. This can potentially cause offense but being open and honest from the start will give your guests time to make other arrangements. 


Keep your rules consistent such as “no plus ones” for everyone. When you start making exceptions it could lead to arguments and resentment.


It isn’t just your parents that may need boundaries as sometimes your bridal party may have their own ideas. If you have your heart set on a bridesmaid’s dress or a venue for your hen’s party, be clear and don’t be pressured into making changes you feel uncomfortable with. Just remember, you do want your bridal party to feel glamorous on the day, so you may like to consider the same colour, in different dress styles.


Confide in Your Partner, Not Everyone Else

When you are planning a wedding there will probably be ups and downs as it can be an emotional journey! Whether it is a conflict with the bridal party, an error with a supplier, or a change in venue, there may be times you feel like venting. In these situations, try not to overshare information as it can give people the idea you are looking for their advice. 


Be careful what you put on social media, as even asking for opinions about dress colours or musicians could see an influx of information and ideas that may make you feel even more confused.


Instead, confide in your partner or a close friend who you know will listen and only help when you need it.


Win with Delegation

Someone’s idea of helpful could be your idea of overbearing, and setting boundaries will be easier if you give them a job to do. Make the most of those who are interested in being involved and allocate tasks that you feel they can handle. For example, you could delegate the cake, flowers, music, suits, or decorations to an eager family member.


Delegating could take some of the wedding planning pressure off but you will have to match their skills to the task. If you are finding this particularly difficult there is always the option to use a wedding planner and let them take care of the details.


Have a Happy Wedding Day

It can be hard to set boundaries for people who like to think your wedding is their own, but when the big day comes it is about you and your partner. Sometimes you may need to be careful not to hurt feelings, and this can be done by delegating tasks and sticking to your boundaries.


After you have set the rules and decided on a theme for the day, make sure you take the time to relax and enjoy your special event. This will be the first day of your marriage, and that’s what matters!